rollercoaster

so, since my last post, i haven't done much but complain...about my lack of motivation, the fact that i don't have a job, the fact that i have no real motivation to get a job even though i need money, how i do not feel like myself at all and i just want to be 'back to normal' and 'how long do i need to relax, why can't i just be done with it all and move on to big thing?!,' blah, blah, blah...i bet my mom is sick of the complaining. i know i am sick of doing it. the thing is that i keep trying to be okay with where i am at right now. i know there is probably no other time in my life when i can just be jobless and complain all day, but it is so stinking hard to go from the past 2 months at school- basically going non-stop (actually 4 years of going non-stop), to just doing nothing. sometimes i enjoy it, other times (in the past 2 weeks- most times) i just want to go back to the way i was before...i know how to do crazy non-stop, i don't know how to relax. 
which brings us back to the whole point of the summer...learning to relax. i don't like it. i am trying, also, not to be discontent with where i am- thank God for the blessing. even in my devos- my utmost for his highest- chambers says," beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been." AHHH. i don't like this whole trying to learn to combine parts of this new phase into my old phase, even though i need to...i feel like i don't know who i am or where i fit in. i just aching for a big project to do or something. i'll go on to something else, lest i continue to ramble and become just as annoying in writing as in person. ;)

i am quite excited, but slightly nervous, about...SELLING MY JEWELRY!!!

i was checking out Etsy the other day and thought, i might as well just try it. the worst that can happen is that they won't sell. it seems like a good solution because i need money, i LOVE making it, and it will give me a sense of accomplishment...like i am doing something other than complaining about having nothing to do. so, by the end of the week, i'll have my account set up and my beads for sale. pray that people will buy them!!

i've also been cooking, not as much as i would like, but a good amount. my dream of culinary school is put way, way, way on hold since it costs upwards of $50,000. heck-to-the-NO. my favorite brother jake says i should open my own restaurant, which i would LOVE to do. one day. a few photo's of my favorite things i've made: 

 Honduran Enchilada's (thanks Mama Martin!)

Triple Berry Trifle with homemade Pound Cake 

                                                                                                Jambalaya








Making homemade PASTA!

 Hopefully the prize winning recipe that will win me a trip to NYC.
         I submitted this recipe to Bertolii Pasta Sauce contest and if I win (which would be sweet...but i am not expecting too) i get a trip to NY and a few other goodies.


Tomato & Basil Sauce with sauted onion, carrot, zucchini and mushrooms with fresh basil and ricotta -fresh homemade spinach tagliatelle pasta with turkey gorgonzola meatballs --served with homemade thyme and fresh rosemary bread.:)

went downtown this eve. i want to live downtown, in a small, cute apartment and have coffee on Mass. Ave and work for a sweet non-profit that i helped start (thought of it all today while on my morning walk), and paint and make pottery and eat Trix, raisin bran, special k, and granola in a giant bowl with vanilla almond milk.


theEND. for now.